🤔 Do you sometimes struggle to say no?
I work with a few clients who struggle to say no. They suffer from being people pleasers, to be honest, I’ve been there too.
Sometimes we say yes to things automatically, despite them unnecessarily adding to our workload or compromising our personal values, which can lead to overwhelm, frustration or anxiety.
I work with one client, let’s call her Vicky, who suffers from a bad case of people pleasing. She told me that she often ends up covering additional duties, leading extra assemblies, covering clubs and attending additional after school meetings because she can’t say no.
We explored why Vicky found herself in this position, and she realised that people were taking advantage of her because of her good nature. She was already feeling stretched and overloaded, but because she always said yes, she ended up with more and more to do. This was impacting on her wellbeing.
Vicky used her coaching session to recognise that this wasn’t right and it was having a negative impact on her.
We moved on to identifying when and how she could say no. Vicky identified that many of the additional tasks she was taking on were unnecessary, and that she was doing more than her fair share. She also recognised that others in her team could have picked up some of these responsibilities, and as a leader, she should be more proactively delegating tasks.
Vicky decided to set herself a target to say no to three requests before her next coaching session. She identified the types of things that she could say no to, and rehearsed what she might say. You might find this graphic helpful to guide your thinking. Thank you to Maria Matloub for the graphic.
By the time I next worked with Vicky, she was proudly able to tell me that she had achieved and exceeded her target. She said that saying no at appropriate times had really improved her wellbeing and had subtly shifted her professional relationships with colleagues. By laying out some boundaries, she had actually increased their respect.
🤔 Is there anything that you struggle to say no to? Why is this so hard for you?
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