I have been working with a few coaching clients recently who want to develop their leadership through improving their assertiveness and their ability to appropriately challenge others.
This has caused me to reflect on how so many of us struggle with having those challenging conversations. How we might choose to ‘go around the houses’ in an attempt to soften any bad news or challenge, rather than tackling the issue directly. I have observed that people with warm and empathetic characteristics – affiliative leadership styles - find this especially difficult. I believe that we ‘go around the houses’ when we are trying to minimise personal harm, while strengthening a professional relationship. However, I also have observed that this strategy can have multiple negative consequences:
· The colleague receiving the message doesn’t actually understand the point the leader is trying to make. It is lost in translation.
· The colleague might understand the message the leader is trying to make, but doesn’t take on board that this is a priority and something which they need to act upon.
· The colleague will sense that the leader is not being entirely honest, and this causes the colleague to lose trust in their leader.
· The relationship between leader and colleague can worsen due to lack of trust and a perceived lack of integrity.
I often refer clients to Susan Scott’s book, Fierce Conversations, when we touch on this topic. This provides readers with a toolkit to enable them to clearly state what they mean to achieve success.
I have found it helpful to remind myself that this conversation is not at all personal – I am not judging or disapproving of my colleague in any way. It is a professional conversation to allow provision, systems or processes to strengthen.
Unlike ‘going round the houses’, having a clear and precise conversation where the issue or concern is named will actually build integrity, trust and therefore effective relationships between colleagues. Having a ‘fierce conversation’ will free the leader to share the information or challenge that they need to share, without compromising and allowing the issue to undermine the business or service being provided.
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