Have you ever felt that your personal values are being compromised?
Have you ever struggled or felt conflicted due to having to compromise on something you hold dear?
As a leader in education, there are a myriad of ways in which our values can be tested and potentially compromised. Some of these are everyday occurrences that test our boundaries, such as disagreeing with a colleague’s decision about how to respond to poor behaviour. However, other value compromises are significantly more challenging and may have a negative impact on our mental health and wellbeing.
In our system where budgets and services for children are really stretched, or arguably broken, you are even more likely to face compromising on your values. You may have to take decisions that you don’t like, due to the circumstances that you find yourself in. Or you may not be able to take action, despite your strong feeling that something needs to change.
This can be especially true if you are a middle leader, Assistant Head or Deputy. You won’t necessarily be the lead professional with the responsibility or opportunity to take action. You might disagree with your headteacher’s or trust leader’s decision making. Similarly, if you are a Head of School, you may not always be completely aligned to your Executive Headteacher’s or trust leader’s actions.
So how do you manage these moments of inner-turmoil?
Compromising your values may be even harder if you are a female leader in education. Recent research (Jessica A. Kennedy, 2014) found that female leaders found it harder to make compromises on ethical issues. The authors suggested that this contributed to the gender gap in business schools, companies and leadership. Interestingly the findings also revealed that women were more likely to lose interest in their roles when faced with an ethical dilemma.
Being values compromised can impact profoundly on leaders’ well-being and their decision-making processes. The possible negative consequences may include:
1. Losing our true self: When we go against our values, it chips away at our personal integrity—the core of who we are. We can end up feeling guilty, ashamed, or doubting ourselves, which takes a toll on our mental health and overall wellbeing.
2. Hurting our relationships: Acting out of line with our values can put a strain on the people around us. Whether it’s hiding the truth or not being fully honest, it can damage trust and make communication harder, sometimes beyond repair.
3. Breaking trust within your school or within your community: when people or organisations compromise their values, it can ripple out into your community, leading to a general loss of trust in your school or organisation. This lack of confidence can weaken the bonds that hold communities together.
4. Adding to bigger issues: Prioritising personal gain over doing what’s right can fuel problems like corruption, inequality, or injustice. When ethical principles are sidelined, society becomes less fair and balanced for everyone.
So how do you manage these moments of inner-turmoil? Here are a few strategies to manage these more significant values-compromised situations.
1. Be aware of what really matters: Try not to react emotionally, but give yourself time to plan a considered response. It’s important to pause and to decide why you are feeling so conflicted. Is this inner turmoil due to the situation breaching a core value? Is this something you can compromise on, or not? Will you be breaching your personal integrity by not taking any action? It might help you to write down your top values and keep them somewhere you’ll see them often, like on your desk or phone. They’ll serve as your compass when things get tricky.
2. Find your people: You may wish to discuss the situation with a trusted colleague. If the matter is confidential or it’s impossible to discuss with colleagues due to their connection with the situation, you might discuss the situation with your trusted coach or supervisor, to try to seek new perspectives and solutions. Aside: This is why I believe that external coaching and mentoring is essential for leaders in education. With an external qualified coach, leaders are able to discuss their challenges in a safe, confidential and non-judgemental session. Coaching sessions can enable leaders to identify new or improved solutions and actions.
3. Walk the walk: It’s easy to say we value things like honesty or kindness, but the real challenge is living these values out. This means making tough calls, like having an honest conversation when it’s uncomfortable or standing up for what’s right, even if it’s hard. Action is where values come alive. You will need to decide if you can tolerate this situation, or whether something has to change to protect your wellbeing. If you decide that you need to air your misgivings, you will need to carefully consider how best to phrase your concerns, and try hard depersonalise the problem. Difficult conversations are always more impactful when you ensure that challenges are not perceived as a personal attack.
4. Be gentle with yourself: Let’s be honest—none of us gets it right all the time. When you slip up, don’t beat yourself up. Acknowledge it, learn from it, and move on. Living true to your values is a journey, and every step counts.
Remember, staying committed to your values as a school leader isn’t about perfection—it’s about progress. Keep reflecting, keep learning, and keep striving to live a life that aligns with who you truly are. You’ve got this!
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